Saturday, March 14, 2009

My pug gets better mileage than your SUV.

An ode to my pug's paws:

I haven't met a dog fanatic who hasn't expressed joy over their pet's exquisite paws.

My pug's paws are works of art. The black pads, all circular and button-like, get so rough I want to exfoliate my face with them. They feel like the old upholstery buttons on my parent's scratchy couch. 

Whenever we go for long walks, I'm grateful for the pug's durable pads. They can endure sticks and stones and random sharp sidewalk debris. Honestly, the pug's paws are better equipped for outdoor traversing than the shitty flip-flops I wear every day.

Sometimes he will get a thorn stuck between his pads, and rather than howl and whimper with his paw in the air, he will soldier on – 27 pounds of pug marching onward into the neighborhood with a limp so slight passing dogs barely notice he's lost rhythm. 

The paws themselves smell like corn chips. Many dog's paws smell this way. I know it's disgusting and you may think me vile for it, but I love to sniff the pug's paws. Like a kid with a runny nose seeking out his favorite germ-drenched blanket, the pug's paws fill me with a fuzzy warmth that coats my heart in cashmere and aids in the flow of serotonin

And the fur! The fur looks like wood grain on a two-by-four leg of lumber cut from an ancient oak tree – so straight and so smooth when you pet with the grain, and so course and so stiff when you pet against the grain. 

But it's the pads that impress me most. It's the pads that I envy when I look at my own fleshy feet. 

When the pug and I camped across the country, he stepped on many a wicked thorn, nosed around in many a pricker bush, popped a squat on many unforgiving cacti, but no pointy plant was too sharp for his dime-sized paw pads. 

His paws shatter toy breed stereotypes. They are as rugged and rigged for outdoor adventure as the paws on a Bernese Mountain Dog

If it weren't for my pug's vacuum-sealed face, he'd have soared over sand dunes in Bandon Beach, Ore. with the ease of a heron.  

If it weren't for his asthmatic lungs, I'm certain he would have combed the The Rockies like a mountain lion hunting elk at dusk.

If not for his diesel engine pulmonary system, combusting externally in the North Carolina heat, I'm confident the pug's muscled legs would have carried him up the Blue Ridge Mountains to the top of the Grove Park Inn, where together we would've sipped tea in high-backed Adirondack chairs facing the sunset.

And perhaps if his sausage roll body had been a little less eggplant-shaped, we'd have frolicked the Ozarks like Maria and Captain Von Trapp

If the rest of him would keep up, my pug's paws would outperform Firestone Tires

--

PS. Photo of my courageous pug after he lumbered his way to the top of a red rock formation in Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs. 

PPS. When the pug is not ascending sedimentary beds of sandstone, he slumbers on top of Joe's head in a queen-sized bed in St. Petersburg, Fla.

PPPS. Note: I purposely did not mention the pug's trifling dewclaw

10 comments:

Sara said...

The other day I was driving down my street and I saw someone walking their pug. I thought about you and how you'd think they were cool and invite them over for grilled cheese and kettle chips. And I smiled. But then I got mad at you. Because I don't have a pug but I like grilled cheese and kettle chips and frankly, I thought I was cooler than the person I saw.

It made me laugh that you noted the smell of your pugs paws. It's weird (yet cool) that they smell like corn chips. But what may be even weirder is that my hockey equipment, that is currently airing out in my basement...it smells like corn chips too. That's weird too, but not in a cool way.

Anonymous said...

My Madden's paws smell like popcorn I think. Boxers=popcorn and pugs=corn chips? Same aisle of the grocery store though and speaking of which let's take same grocery store pics next month-they'll be fab if we include Heelya too :)

Anonymous said...

OK my lil one here is my take on this. Funny how you relate the pads of my grandpuppies feet to our so long ago scratchy plaid couch. Just so you know, when it was purchased at my tender age of 18 I felt sooooooooo proud of that lovely set. We got the bargoon of a life time I thought. $499.00 for a set which included sofa, loveseat, chair, 2 end tables, coffee table & lamps with shades. The nerve of them NOT to include the bulbs...that set us back another buck. What I am getting at is you spent many a day and night cuddled up on that couch with your blankie smushed up to your nose, thumb in mouth sniffing away until you fell asleep. You wore that blankie away til there was little left of it. I had to sneak it from you to even wash it. You would get pissed because it didn't smell as good afterwards. Nana couldn't stand that rag anymore, so she made a deal with you. Your blankie for a new toy of your choice. Along came Puffball popple with her soft pom pomish blue & yellow tail. At last a new sniffy...perfect size pom pom to fit in your little hand and the remainder of the stuffed toy just dangled freely as you sniffed til your heart was content. That thing went everywhere with you adding to the aroma. What little now remained of it's matted fibers fell off, but you didn't seem to care. Now you no longer needed to drag the toy with you to get your fix, because really only the tail part was what you enjoyed. Great...easier to take along unnoticed, that is until you started sniffing it. Then along came our first dog. You girls loved him to pieces. He'd lay there on that scratchy plaid couch with you and that was the beginning of your new love affair. You were obsessed with his feet. So long ratty old popple tail..hello Jed's feet. When Hershey entered the picture many years later, unlike our previous beloved canine the love affair of sniffing had to take a back seat. He wasn't as tolerant and had no patience for you. Oh how your feelings would get hurt everytime you made attempts to get close to him. Now comes along Mr Homer Jones..the 1st of the royal kings of pugs to be had by the Kurps. Instantly you bonded, never to be the same again. Puppy feet back into your life...YES!!!!! I must confess...I too am now hooked. Who can resist those adorable little heart shaped pads that carry around such bundles of love. Perhaps they smell like corn chips to draw attention to them so we'll take notice. Each time they touch us, it is with those lil hearts which carry them about....leaving footprints in our hearts forever.

C.Flower said...

Thank you Mothership, for explaining why I'm nasally fixated.

I hadn't even thought about my long, stinky history sniffing dog fur,Popple tails and gnarly blankets until now.

You forgot to mention that you hated that snotty Popple. You convinced me to give it to the "Junk Fairy" in exchange for a $5 bill. If I remember correctly, you told me if I put the Popple in the mailbox, the Junk Fairy would put $5 under my pillow.

I did it of course because I'm a money-hungry sucker, but I remember I demanded that you cut off the tail first so I could hang onto it for sniffing purposes - which you did, giving way to my obsession with an amputated Popple appendage.

Have I recalled this correctly?

The Popple debacle was traumatizing. I think it's why I refused to neuter the pug.

Oh, and about the plaid couch: You bought that thing when you were 18?!! Criminey, Mother! I was splurging on Ani DiFranco CDs when I was that age.

Did you sell the couch in the penny-saver? Or did you give it to the Junk Fairy?

C.Flower said...

And yes on the grocery store pics, Ro. I'm thinking we should create a series: Photos taken in grocery aisles from Buffalo to St. Pete. I'll post it on Lance.

Madden's popcorn paws probably smell like white cheddar popcorn (aka: Fart in a Bag.)

And Sara– like I said on your Lance, I'd gladly invite you over for grilled cheese sammies & kettle-cooked chips. Ro and my hockey-playing sister, Heelya, are coming down for a visit next month. I bet we'd all get along awesomely.

Anonymous said...

Correction my lil one....as I recall the ball of that tail fell off after much use and I made a new one with yarn, but you hated it. You just continued to lug that old nasty itty bitty matted smelly one that fell off, but you tried being more discreet when sniffing.....and yes that popple tail became even more gross than your blankie. You should have held out for more cash from the junk fairy as I bet she would have paid much more to get rid of that thing.

Anonymous said...

Oh and the couch and other 2 pieces were put out by the road with a free sign attached, waiting for someone to come along and decide to give them a new home. A few hours later that someone arrived and expected delivery also...ya gotta love it.

Anonymous said...

There aren't many pugs in our neighborhood, so now I'm going to have to ask some stranger to see the bottom of their pug's paws.

Hank's paws are nothing to write home about. Except they're huge. And the other day, they landed (accidentally?) on the mayor's shoulders COINCIDENTALLY at the exact same time that Hank thought it was pertinent to learn how to growl. Into someone's ear.

Needless to say, the mayor at least is not a big fan of my dog's paws.

C.Flower said...

Hank attacked your mayor? Where are the reporters in your town? ;)

Alex Pickett said...

Popcorn paws? Actually, my dog has a similar paw smell. Hmmm...